Monthly Archives: October 2008

Madhavi- my second-hand encounter with breast cancer

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By Aarti Johri

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month. For most women, as they see this advertised, it is a mental reminder to schedule their next mammogram or doctor’s visit. For many others, it is a bitter reminder of loved ones lost, or battles fought against this dreadful disease. I am relatively fortunate that in my immediate circle of friends and family I have not yet directly witnessed the struggle against this or any other cancer.  But even I have met many a victim of this disease; I am also part of the shared pain it brings.

I met Madhavi at my friend Swati’s home about 10 years ago. We hit it off immediately, and each time Swati threw a party, I looked forward to enjoying some good laughs with Madhavi. I soon realized that Madhavi knew a lot more about my life than I did about hers. I learnt that Madhavi had been diagnosed with breast cancer when her younger child was three, the older was about seven. For the past fifteen years, Madhavi and her family have lived successfully with this dreaded disease. As the years have rolled by, life has continued, and normalcy has prevailed, in spite of the extraneous inmate at home. Madhavi’s oldest child has joined Yale University; the younger is a senior at High School. Madhavi worked through most of this, and by the way, also earned a PhD in Computer Science.

About four years ago Madhavi was teasing me about our infrequent get-togethers. She mentioned my annual Diwali get-together; she said she wanted to attend at least one. I promptly invited her, but the dates did not work out for her. Last year I learnt that her cancer had begun to take a serious turn. I thought about all our meetings, perhaps ten in all. I remembered them being full of laughter and jokes, but could not recall the details of even a single one.

Earlier this month, I learnt that Madhavi was sinking fast; Swati told me “the doctors don’t give us much hope”. I struggled to hold onto some of my memories with her, I suddenly remembered quite a few. I recalled that Madhavi once brought an enormous flan for Swati’s party. While I could make one too, I had wondered how she made such a large one hold. I had made a mental note to call and ask her- I never did.  I recalled a dinner conversation at Strait’s Café. I was questioning the wisdom of an upcoming construction project we were embarking on. Madhavi dismissed my misgivings that it might not be “worth it”, because my children would be heading off to college a few years after the construction was scheduled for completion. Don’t be silly, she said, your children will thoroughly enjoy their home for the five years that they will still be home. Madhavi and her husband had also completed a major reconstruction to their home.

My annual Diwali event was less than a month away.  I knew, when I sent out the invitation, that Madhavi would be unable to attend. I still prayed that a miracle would occur; she has won before, why not this time. But miracles don’t always occur, and Madhavi passed away on Oct 7th. I struggle to come to terms with this. It is hard to accept that we will not share any more laughs, that I will not be able to seek any more nuggets of wisdom on bringing up teens from her.

As I calm my grief, I think of some lessons I have learnt:
1. I may never learn to make a flan for forty.
2. Life’s toughest challenges can be met, and met well.
3. Savor each and every moment, they are all worth it.
4. Everyone who touches your life touches it for a reason.
I know why Madhavi’s touched mine.

Community Calendar – October 31 – November 5, 2008

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Snippets:

– Enakshi’s book “Naina’s Adventure” is 50% off at her website. A good gift idea for the holidays.

– Our Bandhavgarh friends are bringing us another music concert in the jungle – Advait Utsav.

–GiveIndia is sponsoring an essay contest for kids with great prizes.Details here. Deadline is October 31, 2008.Water, No Ice › Edit — WordPress

– AICON Gallery presents – Pakistan Contemporaries

Upcoming Events:

Diwali musings

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Apparently, according to the disgruntled old Punjabi lady at the sweet shop, the Livermore temple got it wrong when it “declared” the 27th of October as the date for Diwali. And so, ironically, a lazy agnostic like me trumped the devout yesterday!

Diwali as a day for celebration has been creeping up on the Bay Area for the last few years. Of course Indian Americans have been doing their best to observe it at home, replicating the customs of their childhood with the help of lamps and sweets bought at price-gouging desi stores. But it has been slowly entering the larger public consciousness.

Credit to this must go to a few pioneers like jeweler Mahesh Nihalani and his friends, who successfully persuaded the Cupertino city council a few years ago to allow an official celebration. From all accounts the last few celebrations, including artistic performances and food fairs, have been great successes and the 10 percent Indian population of that city has managed to bring Diwali into the mainstream.

I experienced this first hand when my daughter’s 1st grade teacher ( in Fremont) approached me to do ‘something fun’ for the kids for Diwali. Bucking the general trend in the semi-Indian-ghetto neighborhood where we live, her class has only 3 Indian American kids, so any event would be novelty for the majority.

We dressed in our best Diwali morning and arrived at school carrying our supplies. The kids sat in a circle expectantly. The teacher, who has been encouraging the kids to learn how to say “good morning” in various languages, asked my daughter to go around the room greeting her friends in the traditional way. I had a lump in my throat as I watched her circle the carpet. “Namaste Anthony,” she began, folding her hands and bowing. “Namaste, Lori,” he replied, doing the same. “Namaste Clarissa.” “Namaste Lori.” “Namaste Sammy.” “Namaste Lori.”

I then read the Diwali story(ies) to the kids. It was a learning experience for me too as I had quite forgotten that there were so many stories associated with the long celebrations. The kids then colored the clay pots and rangoli designs I had brought with glitter and sequins. We ended with a small snack that one of the other Indian moms had supplied.

Back home, in the evening we drew and decorated a rangoli with colored chalk and lit lamps. The kids met their friends for some bootleg fireworks saved from July 4th, praying like we do every year that the neighbors wouldn’t rat us out. Our prayers continue to be answered, though there was a tense moment when a new firecracker unexpectedly exploded, making the classic rat-a-tat sound. We all held our breath for a moment as we watched the clouds of noxious smoke pollute the sky.

It is not hard to see why Diwali can capture the imagination of the open-minded American. Sitting between July 4th and Christmas, it captures the best of both events, combining the fireworks with the lights to make a memorable  event that bridges the celebratory gap. Maybe one day we will see public fireworks on the scale of independence day celebrations and more houses will be lit up on our street. (After all, the lights put up now can stay on the house till Christmas – what a labor saver!)

Till then, a very Happy Diwali and good wishes for the year ahead to all.

Missing India

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By Isheeta Sanghi

After a visit to the FRO in Bangalore, a speedy two day trip to Delhi’s Ministry of Home Affairs, many police reports, thousands of copies of birth certificates and passports, and a penalty fee of 2000 Rupees, I was finally all set to make my journey out of the country, back to America.

I could not help but sense some excitement; after all it had been two years since I had left the country. New York has been my dream, (I think it is a lot of people’s dream – hence the crowds.) I wanted to live my life in NYC, meet the perfect guy, and live a perfect life. Ask any of my high school friends and they will tell you that I was the crazy girl that was willing to give up the San Diego sun for New York snow. I came to New York a few months ago, full of expectations, interning (for free!) with a magazine.

But I think things in the US have changed quite drastically or maybe it is just me. I find myself missing something. For the longest time I could not understand what it was. It’s not like I was missing my parents or was homesick, it was not that I was missing home cooked food (ok maybe it was that a bit); I was not missing the easiness of school life, lord knows I wasn’t missing the BSNL internet connection. It was something else, and I did not quite figure it out until a few weeks ago.

I was missing that excitement, that craziness that only India has. Do not get me wrong, New York is pretty crazy- but it is not India-crazy. I still can not believe that I am saying it and admitting it quite openly, but I guess I have come quite a long way. I miss India! I miss the smells, the crazy dogs, the crazy traffic, the noise and of course the everyday tamasha. I miss it all. I miss arguing with the auto rickshaw guys, I miss staring back at all those Indian men that stare and seeing them realize that I know they are looking. I even miss the annoying kids that wake me up in the mornings yelling at each other with their accented English as they play soccer outside my balcony. I miss it all!

I am waiting to get back so that I can just sit out on my balcony and drink a cup of coffee in the cool Bangalore breeze. I could stick it out longer here, and make a life for myself, but I know that I will be missing something- and that something is India. It is contagious, and once you get over the dirtiness, you realize that you are much closer to reality- dealing with problems like poverty, hunger, lack of electricity in the villages.

I am not going to go all Swades or anything, but I want to go back because I think I can live a much happier life in India. Here I see people of Indian heritage in New York that are shop owners in the subways, or that wheel around a kebab cart, or that are selling newspapers on the street wearing their salwar kameezes. And I am not going to lie; my heart breaks a little bit. Because I know that that is not what they had planned; those women who were once girls had not dreamed of getting married, moving abroad and selling newspapers on the street. Likewise, I did not forecast graduating, and coming to the States only to intern for free and go order people’s Starbucks. How long can you do it for?

My Dad and I (whom most all will agree) rarely see eye to eye, but recently it is been very different. So many things happened prior to me leaving India that said ‘Stay! Stay! Stay!’ and I remember feeling frustrated that I would never be able to get out of the country. I did not realize that I had already achieved the one thing I wanted in life, contentment. The supersize everything is not exciting anymore. I can not believe I am saying this but Starbucks really is not worth what you pay at all, and even though I still haven’t found the GAP factory in India, I can no longer justify spending $50 on a ‘Made in India’ shirt. I figure I’ll just go to Shankar Market, find the left over material roll and get it made from my favorite tailor.

For anyone moving back or thinking of moving back- give India a chance. It is a beautiful place, and the people are amazing. You need to give it time, look at things with humour (even in the toughest of situations) realize that even if one of your expensive wine glasses broke in the process of moving that you’re not going to take those wineglasses with you in your afterlife, and also, it is not India’s fault that it broke. Realize that what you should take with you are the memories of where you have been more than the material itself. I have finished up my internships, and am excited about heading home to India the cows, my roots, my family, and of course the craziness that truly makes India such a uniquely beautiful place.

HAPPY DIWALI!

Isheeta Sanghi lives in India but is spending a few months in the US interning in NY.

Why you should vote NO on Proposition 8

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I’ve heard that some of my socially conservative friends are voting YES on Prop 8, the proposition that seeks to overturn the California Supreme court’s decision to allow gay marriages. This is my last ditch effort to convince them otherwise. I’m trying the Socratic method of Q &A to see if I can get my argument across.

“Why aren’t they happy with civil unions? Why do they want to call it marriage?”

Contrary to what you may believe, civil unions and domestic partnerships do not confer the same rights as marriage. Defining the contract between two people as marriage (and yes, marriage is a contract) allows the couple to be legally joined in the eyes of the Federal Government, which means they have the same rights as the rest of us when it comes to sponsoring the immigration of a spouse, filing joint tax returns and many other benefits that are available for married couples. Here is a good page on about.com which goes into these differences in detail.

“My kids are going to learn about gay marriage in school.”

This is a stupid smear with about the same amount of credibility as that anti-Obama ad that accused him of promoting sex education in kindergarten. Prop 8 has nothing to do with education and in California, parents have the right to opt their kids out of any education on health and family issues. I know this because the first time the subject of human biology and reproduction came up was when my son was in 5th grade and I was allowed to review all the materials beforehand to decide if it was appropriate.
The incident referred to in the scurrilous ad is as follows – A teacher in Massachusetts read a kid’s book about same sex marriages to her kids in an effort to promote diversity.  After parents objected, a bill was proposed to allow parents to opt out, a law that already exists in California. Notice that the California Teachers Association and the California School Boards Association both agree that Prop 8 has nothing to do with teaching in public schools.

“A decision like this should not be taken by the courts but by the people.”

Decisions that have to do with discrimination and equality cannot be taken by majority vote for obvious reasons. The Constitution of this country was founded on equality and over the years, judges have interpreted it in ways that ended discrimination one step at a time. One such decision allowed inter-racial marriages; another allowed African Americans to vote and be a part of the electoral process. If you are voting for Senator Obama for President, ask yourself – would it have been possible today if the courts had waited for the will of the majority to prevail?

“I am concerned that such open acceptance of homosexuality will encourage licentiousness.”

On the contrary, allowing gay people to marry and raise children binds them with the same social mores as the rest of us, encouraging the concept of long-term commitment and family. It lets children grow up in a loving two-parent relationship sanctioned by society that is more stable and harder to get out of, just like the rest of us.

Finally, imagine if the Luce-Celler Act of 1946( look it up) were put up to a vote today. It is within the realms of possibility that furious Americans, upset by the fact that their jobs are going overseas to India and China, could overwhelmingly vote to repeal it. And, if you were an Asian-American, that would be the end of your citizenship in this country.

The right of gays to marry is a right that has already been granted by the courts which recognized discrimination against a segment of the population and sought to correct it. Do not take away that right. As an immigrant, discrimination is an issue that you should be sensitive about and fight to end, even if those discriminated against make you uncomfortable.

Vote NO on Prop 8.

Ashwin Madia – Congressional Candidate from Minnesota

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For the son of Indian immigrants, Ashwin Madia’s story is quintessentially American. A graduate from the University of Minnesota and New York University Law School, Ashwin enrolled in the US Marine Corps and served 2 of his 4 years there in Iraq. After returning from Iraq Ashwin worked as an attorney with a respected law firm in Minneapolis before deciding to run for Congress from the Third District of Minnesota against Republican Erik Paulsen, a very strong opponent.

His already close race received another inadvertent jolt recently. In the Sixth District, Republican Michelle Bachmann’s campaign was badly hurt when she made a statement asking for “media investigation” into members of Congress for their “Pro” or “Anti” American views. The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) decided to pull money out of her campaign and flood the neighboring districts instead.

I spoke to Ashwin on a hurried phone conversation squeezed into the candidate’s tight schedule.

Given your on-the-ground experience in Iraq, what is your sense of what we should do there?
AM: I think there are many brave people on both sides building a better country. The Iraqi judicial officers and soldiers were the bravest people. The US bears some responsibility to leave Iraq in a better shape than when we went in and not abandon it. I favor a strategic and gradual withdrawal from Iraq. I am not happy about a fixed timetable like other people but we don’t have the resources to stay there indefinitely. We should be responsive to conditions on the ground.

What is the climate for immigrants in Minnesota?
AM: I was born in Boston and moved all over the country growing up till the family settled in Minnesota. The people in Minnesota are decent and kind. Minnesota is accepting of people from all different backgrounds.

What is your biggest challenge this election season?
AM: The biggest challenge is taking complicated ideas about complex issues and trying to transform them into 30 second sound bites; trying to share my ideas in the kind of mass media-driven market that exists today.

Tell me, in a 30 second sound bite, why you are running for office.:)
AM: I am running because we have the greatest country in the entire world. We need the courage to come together and courage to change; change the economic policy, restore oversight over the financial policy, balance the budget, aim for energy independence. We need investments in education and a responsible end the Iraq war.

What is the most important issue for your constituents?
AM: The economy is the only issue in this state.

Are you being helped by the coattails of the Democratic grassroots movement this election?
AM: My district is kind of unique in that it is very educated. The coattail effect is very minimal.

What are your internal polls showing?
AM: That we’re up by 4. It is going to be a very, very tight race.

If the $150 million raised by Senator Obama is making you leery of any more donations to the Presidential race, help out Ashwin Madia by donating at http://madiaforcongress.com. Down ballot races help elect more Democrats to Congress and give the president a clear mandate to achieve a progressive agenda.

Community Calendar – October 24 – October 30, 2008

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-Those of you living in Fremont have an opportunity to meet some of the candidates up for local elections today. Genius Kids and Swagat Restaurant in Ardenwood are sponsoring a Meet and Greet. They are inviting you and your family and friends to a complimentary wine and appetizer evening being sponsored by Genius Kids and Swagat Restaurants on Thursday October 23 from 6pm – 7pm.
Swagat Restaurant at the Ardenwood Plaza.

Meet Trisha Tahmasbhi (standing for city council), Ravi Johal and  the Honorable Mayor Bob Wasserman, Council woman Anu Natarajan and discuss what improvements you would like to see happen in your city.

–GiveIndia is sponsoring an essay contest for kids with great prizes.Details here. Deadline is October 31, 2008.

–AICON Gallery presents – Pakistan Contemporaries

Upcoming Events:

My MIT experience

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By Rahul Joshi

There I was, sitting in the front row of the MIT Theatre waiting for my name to be called.  We were at MIT for the National Vocabulary contest sponsored by North South Foundation, a non-profit organization that raises funds for underprivileged children in India (www.northsouth.org). MIT is in Boston, Massachusetts, and is a very famous and prestigious institute of technology.  When I saw how big it was, I thought to myself, “Wow, this is HUGE!”

The verbal round began. “Rahul, please come on stage,” called out the announcer.  I got really nervous.  My legs started staking more and more.  “The word is ‘insulate’,” the judge said.  The noise of my teeth chattering echoed on the microphone.  I heard some people laughing.  I accidentally bit my lower lip.  I thought I screamed but the there was no sound.  Everybody was just starting at me like I had just said the president was a chimpanzee.  There were so many people there that I started to sweat!

I thought the meaning of ‘insulate’ was ‘insult’.  My toes were wiggling a lot.  I was about to say ‘insult’ but then I thought some more.  Then, it popped right into my mind.  The meaning wasn’t ‘insult’, it was ‘segregate’!  “The meaning is ‘segregate’”. I said a little too loud.  “Sorry,” I squeaked.  I don’t think anyone heard me though.  I prayed that I would get the answer right.  “That answer is right,” the pronouncer said.

I felt so proud of myself.  “Whew,” I said right into the microphone.  “Whoa,” I thought to myself, “didn’t see that coming!”

Some people want to experience this kind of excitement and some don’t. I have experienced this kind of energy and excitement and I think all the stress was worth it!

Rahul Joshi, 8 years old, is a 4th grader at Pioneer Elementary, Union City, CA. He is a prodigy of Genius Kids where he started reading at the young age of 2 years 4 months old. He was promoted and skipped 2nd grade, heading right into 3rd grade. He was won and ranked in several local and national competitions, the most recent being 2nd Place in the North South Vocabulary Regional Competition. He is also an avid singer and dancer and recently competed in the Northern California Sony Television Asia Boogie Woogie finals.

Rahul did not place in the competition but this is his second time making it to the Nationals.

Pt. Jasraj at the India Community Center, Milpitas – A review

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By Jaya Murthy

Pandit Jasraj performed at India Community Center on Sunday evening. If you have never heard him sing live, this was a chance to get up close and personal with the maestro and the divinity of vocal Hindustani music. And if you have had the good fortune of listening to him before, you would still be amazed that not much has changed!
I last heard him in India 15 years ago and at age 78 now, he was just as energetic, mellifluous and dexterous in his seemingly effortless movement over all three and a half octaves. Even his appearance was remarkably the same – the long flowing white hair in the back of his otherwise balding head, the same slender frame, twinkling but dark circled eyes and gorgeously outfitted in a light wine colored kurta and pleated dhoti. He looked quite “royal”, as he greeted his audience with the hallmark ‘jai ho’ and reminding us all that parmatma resides in each and every one of us.

He began the evening with a long rendition of Madhuvanti; explored fully and patiently through a long alaap followed by the vilambit and drut gat in teen taal. He followed that with maayi mero man mohiyo in Raga Hori Saran. Tripti Mukherjee, (his student who runs the Pt.Jasraj school of music in New Jersey) accompanied his singing melodiously and on the harmonium. The harmony of the male and female voices – the Jasrangi jugalbandi, which is Panditji’s major innovative contribution to Hindustani music, was such a treat. Both Samir Chatterjee and Aditya Banerjee provided solid and clean tabla support. Samir is very accomplished and with his various projects, worthy of another whole article dedicated to him exclusively. (watch this space!)

Although Panditji sang in his customary classical style with intricate laya, beautiful lyrical taans and great voice control …my favorite part was his telling of a little fable.

Apparently one of Emperor Jehangir’s daughters (with a Hindu mother) wanted to learn Sanskrit. He had a renowned Sanskrit scholar named Jagannath Pandit in his court. The daughter was assigned to his tutelage and eventually fell in love with him and asked to marry him. Jehangir considered Jagannath a master of his subject and greatly respected him. His Islamic ministry was horrified when he gave his blessings for the wedding. Needless to say the Hindu intelligentsia was dead against the match too. The matter dragged on and they asked the scholar to find a way to prove his purity. So Jagannath Pandit sat on the banks of the river Ganga and recited some verses. With every verse, the river rose higher to meet him. That 52nd and last verse was what Pandit Jasraj sang for us; vibhushita nanda from the Ganga lehari.

Putting that song in context greatly enhanced the musical experience of it. This is why live concerts are higher musical experiences than audio CDs! And this is where the beauty of the guru-shishya parampara lies. Our modern 30 and 60 minute class formats do not always allow the history, stories, poems, rumors and gossip to be shared. Especially with the kids.  My biggest worry is that these tales will quietly be forgotten in times to come. As it is the mystery and secrecy around the non patented compositions of gharanas is quite deep.
By the end of the evening, when Pt. Jasraj sang Vraje vasantham navaneeta choram in praise of Lord Krishna, set to raga Piloo he had the audience completely enraptured and seemed quite bathed in a divine sort of glow himself. I later heard that many people were moved to tears. With his soothing voice, he reminded us that music begins with the basic voice from within – all instruments are but limited imitations.

The evening began late (so what’s new you ask?) by almost an hour – though in all fairness it was not his fault! The accompanying singer’s flight was late and so the whole party came late and the sound checks took a long while. The crowds were lined up outside from 4 pm and getting quite restless at not being let into the hall. Still, with the very first notes of the taanpura and the maestro’s lower octave alaap, everybody’s nerves were soothed and all was forgiven!

The concert was organized by Prabha Gopal of Bay Area Performing Arts (www.bapa.org) in co-operation with ICC. The Malvika Hall at ICC is quite a beautiful room with its airy, well lit and high ceiling décor of flowing fabric. Pt.Jasraj is famously fond of communing with his audience and likes to see them; so the lights were left on throughout the performance!

One hopes that with the inauguration of this superlative classical concert, the pace has been set for many more to come at ICC. Needless to say, we left with a song in our heart!

Local ballot measures – Measure MM and Measure WW

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UPDATE: Both Measure MM and Measure WW passed.

In addition to the Californian Propositions, there are also a couple of local measures on the ballot in Fremont.

Measure MM – if passed by a majority of the electorate (50% + 1), this measure will increase the City’s Transient Occupancy Tax (TOT) rate from the current rate of 8% to a new rate of 10%, effective January, 1, 2009.
The proposed tax is a general tax, which means the monies raised will be used for general governmental purposes, including such essential services as police, fire, and street and park maintenance. Hotel/motel visitors who stay in the City’s hotel and motels for a period of 30 days or less pay the tax in addition to the room rate.
Based on the current estimates, a 2% increase could generate approximately $800,000 in new revenue for the General Fund for a full fiscal year. Anu Natarajan, Fremont City Council member, is one of the sponsors of this bill.

“This is an easy fix for our budgeting problems and long overdue,” says Anu. “Fremont is still at 8% whereas cities around us have moved to a 10% Transient Occupancy Tax(TOT). 90% of the revenue is likely to go to fund public safety programs.”

The only argument submitted against this measure is whether the city can be trusted to use the monies properly. Given the budgetary constraints every city is facing in this economic environment, it seems like a poor argument and given that even the Fremont Marriott has no problems with this tax, this should be a no-brainer.

My recommendation – Vote YES.

Measure WW – Measure WW, an East Bay Regional Park District (“District”) bond measure, seeks voter approval to authorize the governing Board of the District to cause general obligation bonds to be issued and sold in a principal amount not to exceed $500,000,000 at interest rates within the statutory limit.

The measure’s purposes are to finance the District’s completion of its Regional Park District Master Plan by acquiring and improving regional parks, trails and recreation facilities.

Opinion – On the face of it, anything that increases park land sounds like a good idea to hikers and nature lovers. However, a couple of issues give me pause. One is that 25% of the bond amount goes, not to the EBRPD,  but to places like the Oakland Zoo and municipalities. It also puts a future interest and principal repayment burden of a billion dollars without any proposal to generate revenue.

Also, I hear rumblings of discontent from hikers and environmentalists who complain about the stewardship of the EBPRD and the bloated salaries of the officers. ( the starting salary of a gardener us supposed to be $50,000!) One comparison I read about was that the EBPRD spent 143 million dollars in 2006 compared to the 344 million dollars spent by the entire California Park System. Also, of the 153 square miles under the control of the EBPRD, a very small percentage is open to the public now.

My recommendation – being unsure of the value of this measure, I am going to go for default option on any such measure or proposition – NO.