I blame Farah Khan. After the huge success of Main Hoon Na filmmakers realized that they could just slap a coat of fresh paint on old Bollywood hits, add a tribute scene or two, repackage the tried and tested formula with some contemporary flavor and thrust it on unsuspecting audiences too young to remember the original.

Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhaniya makes no bones about the fact that it is a DDLJ remake. The opening credits show the tapori hero Humpty Sharma unashamedly crying to the final train scene from the original movie. To this hackneyed plot are added updates that are supposed to represent modernity, namely,
– Hero with a funny name (Barfi, Bunny, Humpty)
– Heroine who smokes, drinks, and swears (Tanu Weds Manu, Shuddh Desi Romance)
– Guilt-free premarital sex
– Sympathetic family
– 2 sidekicks for the hero (young unknowns who have replaced the comic relief characters Johnny Lever etc. used to play)
– Loose, street banter
– Side plot where everybody demonstrates how cool they are with someone being gay by making jokes about homosexuality.

DDLJ was a complete romantic fantasy, but it was Aditya Chopra’s own fantasy, so the movie still had some authenticity despite the caricatured characters and unrealistic plot. HSKD is based on someone else’s fantasy, so the characters, their motivations, their environment are twice removed from reality. It is as if the writers of HSKD lived in a film set their whole lives where they experienced nothing except other Bollywood movies.

Each character is a pastiche of many other Bollywood screen entities and this leads to characters behaving in schizophrenic ways. Ashutosh Rana as the heroine’s father swings wildly between an Anupam Kher-like sympathetic figure and an Amrish Puri tyrant. Alia Bhat channels a firebrand Kajol from DDLJ, a demure Rani from KKHH, and a no-holds-barred Kangana from Tanu Weds Manu, sometimes in the same scene. Varun Dhawan as the titular Humpty tries very hard to create a personality for himself, but his slack-jawed dialogue delivery does no justice to his character, who is a blend of Aamir from Rangeela, Shahrukh from DDLJ and Saif from, well, any Saif movie.

Even the scenes are cut/pasted from other movies. This leads to very jarring juxtapositions. The heroine comes from a fairly conservative family but they seem to be okay with her spending the night with strangers. She and the hero impulsively have sex one night, most likely the first time for her, but the next day she seems cool with it, something her upbringing, as shown in the movie, does not support. The heroine’s father, despite having serious objections to Humpty, agrees to let him stay in his house for five days when the lovebirds koochy-coo every night and exhibit PDAs every day.

It doesn’t help that the music sucks. Music has saved many a bad movie from disaster (I Hate Luv Storys comes to mind) but in this case the soundtrack is a generic 3-wedding-songs, 1-tragic-song package that does nothing except provide bathroom breaks.

The leads are nice looking, especially Alia Bhatt who is bursting with health and vitality but, in the hands of inexperienced director Shashank Khaitan, both she and Varun Dhawan (David Dhawan’s son) just wing it through the movie. Dhawan, in particular, has his mouth open all the time and looks like he is just about to drool. It is an ultra-relaxed style of emoting that is popular these days, but what inexperienced actors don’t realize that it takes a lot of effort to look natural. For pointers I would direct them to Kangana in Queen, who achieved that effortless style after working hard at it in several movies earlier.

Unfortunately these kind of movies have been successful and, judging by the reaction in yesterday’s screening, the audience liked the movie just fine. In a summer drought of light-hearted time-pass fare, Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhaniya is a drop of recycled water, not tasty, but relieving thirst all the same.

We have a saying in our family that “Disney Ruins Everything.” We watched in dismay as the quality of Pixar movies dropped after Disney took over, and now the Disneyfication of Marvel has the die-hard comic fans in my family aghast.

Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani(YJHD) is an perfect example of the Joharification of mainstream Bollywood. To be fair, Karan Johar himself was inspired by Yash Chopra, whose glossy movies about wealthy Punjabi romances set a certain template for song and dance movies, but Chopra was a romantic at heart, and there was a sincerity in his vision that shone through the mehndis, sangeets, and tulip fields. With Johar, the emotional manipulation in his movies is blatant, from the kid singing Jana Gana Mana in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, to the dupatta handed over by Kajol to Rani in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. There is also something ersatz about all his movies, as if he is incapable of genuine feeling and reconstructs it from the vision and product of other, better directors.

Jawaani is directed by Ayan Mukherjee and stars Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone, but it might as well have been helmed by Johar and starred Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol. Johar, who produced the movie, seems to have had such a strong influence on the young director that Mukherjee, who previously made the warm-hearted Wake Up Sid with such finesse, goes full-on Bollywood, with ensemble song-and-dances at the drop of a hat and big wedding productions.

Still, Jawaani, the tale of a boy with itchy feet and a girl back home who pines for him, is watchable, and credit for that must go almost entirely to Kapoor and Padukone, who share an incredibly chemistry and light up the screen whenever they are together. The first half, where the shy Naina blossoms under the throwaway affection of the oddly named Bunny and where the lead pair is together on screen most of the time, is quite magical. The aptly named Naina conveys such tender wistfulness to be a part of Bunny’s cool gang and to be loved by the nomadic Bunny that you feel intensely what it’s like to be her. Padukone is perfectly cast and those supercharged moments that promise a budding relationship are beautifully directed and acted.

In the second half the movie loses steam, mainly because the absence of the romantic pair makes you realize how thin this 2 hour, 40 minute film really is. Kalki Koechlin and Aditya Roy Kapur have an unnecessary amount of screen time, but even all that time is not enough to fully develop their characters or their story lines. The denouement is disappointing, but then I think most romantic movies don’t get it right, so maybe it’s just my opinion.

Mukherjohar’s musical co-conspirator is Pritam, which is why each song reminds you of another composer. There is an Amit Trivedi-style song sung by Rekha Bhardwaj called “Kabira,” a Salim-Suleimanesque number titled “Dilliwali Girlfriend,” and the peppy “Badtameez Dil” feels like it could have been composed by Vishal-Shekhar.

To Pritam’s credit, the songs are all peppy and hummable and well-choreographed, but after the evolution of Bollywood movies to songs being played in the background, the ensemble numbers feel retro. And roping in an ageing Madhuri Dixit for an item number is a classic example of the audience manipulation that Johar is famous for.

If you are a Karan Johar fan, by all means watch YJHD. It will not make you feel any real emotion, or linger in your mind after you return home, but for the nearly three hours you are in the theater you will be entertained. I would have been more depressed by the corruption of a good director like Mukherjee, but the trailers of Lootera and Ranjhaana that I saw left me with hope. And Kapoor and Padukone are so good together that I predict they will be a classic romantic pair in many movies to come.

My rating: 3/5

The bad news about GoW is that it doesn’t tread on any new stuff. The good news is that where it does tread, it does so with a sure and deft touch, showcasing director Anurag Kashyap’s now-undeniable talent.

Movies about gangland empires and their bloody turf wars and successions are pretty common ( and, in my opinion, easy to make). Pick almost any of Ram Gopal Varma’s oeuvre and you’ll see what I mean. The difference here is that instead of setting the confrontations in Mumbai’s dank and fecund underground, Kashyap takes on the coal belt towns of Dhanbad and Wasseypur and the gory butchering industry to craft a multi-genrational saga that has more than a passing resemblance to the Godfather series in its delineation of characters and their relationships.

Family rivalries begin in 1940s India between the Qureshis and the Khans and continue unabated as the momentous events of Indian independence simply translate to a changing of the reins of power without any impact of the lives or fortunes of the poor. British oppression gives way to exploitation by the corrupt politicos of the district, as the protagonists quickly figure out new alliances.

GoW is told from the point of view of the Khans, with a bulk of this first movie focusing on Sardar Khan, the second generation of the Khan family as he hard-scrabbles his way to establish himself as the local goonda. As his life story is revealed, we see the complex dynamics in the power play between the two families, and can see the beginnings of the rivalries that will permeate the next generation.

If the plot sounds familiar, it is, and this tends to make the movie a tad predictable. But it is scripted, directed, and acted amazingly well. If mainstream movies aimed for even 50% of the talent that is on display here, the Indian film industry would be ready to take its place in the ranks of global cinema.

Manoj Bajpai as Sardar Khan is as good as ever, and deals with the complex character with nuance. The script and his fine acting are able to give this cold-hearted killer a sympathetic touch, which is quite a feat considering we see him hacking down rivals in the most gory ways possible.

The supporting cast is equally good, and using lesser-known actors really pays off, as they completely inhabit their characters. The women, as often happens in these gangster movies, are the wives, mistresses and victims, but the terrific writing is able to flesh out each character in the limited time she is given. Kudos to Kashyap for making the fearsome Sardar a hen-peckedcoard at home; this makes for the few laugh-out loud moments in this grim and gruesome movie. Richa Chaddha as Nagma, Sardar’s wife, is pitch perfect, and Reema Sen as his mistress is great too.

As I said before, I happen to think that gangland movies are relatively easy to make because there is so much drama to be exploited. RGV’s success with Satya, Sarkar, and Company, and his appalling failure with other genres (except for Rangeela) sort of illustrates my point. But Kashyap has already proven his mettle with such diverse movies as Dev D, a contemporary remake of Devdas, and That Girl With Yellow Boots, where wife Kalki Koechlin play the eponymous role of an expat masseuse looking for her father. Gangs of Wasseypur feels like an experiment in this particular genre,though a wildly successful one. Here’s hoping that after this saga is completed with GoW2 we’ll see another quirky movie in a different genre from this terrific movie maker.

Oh, the music? I didn’t particularly care for it, but it seemed to appeal to the guys I know a lot. Maybe a gender thing.:)

Kid Advisory: NOT FOR KIDS OF ANY AGE.

The ethos of the Mumbai underground is like compost – full of discarded peels and cracked eggshells, ripe-smelling and treacherous underfoot – but rich fodder for the imagination of talented directors. Vishal Bharadwaj is one such wunderkind, and he uses the steaming, stinking pile to fashion yet another cinematic gem.

Kaminey is the story of twin brothers Charlie and Guddu; the former lisps and the latter stammers. Charlie is a small time hoodlum who dreams of one big score which will fund his ambition to become a bookie in the crooked Mumbai race business. Guddu is a hapless NGO worker who gets involved with the sister of a thug-turned-politician. The two brothers loath each other and the busy metropolis gives them the space to avoid any interaction. One day however, Charlie’s greed sets up a train of events that lead to the intersection of their lives in a brutal and bloody finale.

Shot in large part with a hand-held camera in an in-your-face style, Kaminey is a frenetic, raw, and edgy piece of work. It’s not just Charlie’s dreams that are Dali-esque; the cocaine-hazed shootout at the end is equally surreal, as various characters blunder around madly discharging their weapons, not entirely sure whether they are hitting friend or foe.

Kaminey does not insult the viewer’s intelligence for one minute. Towards the beginning of the movie there is a scene in a hotel where multiple territorial interests collide, but the director does not lay out the characters neatly, preferring to let the audience figure it out as the movie evolves. The characters speak a melange of languages, from Marathi to Bengali to some kind of French-Angolan patois and I wonder how the audience in India would follow along without subtitles. This is a movie where you have to pay close attention to figure out all the wheels and angles, and you are richly rewarded for your interest.

The ensemble cast is terrific, as usual, and you figure out how many talented actors there are in Bollywood who never see the light of day except in these occasional gangster movies. Shahid Kapur does a great job as the twins and it is easy to believe that these are two completely different people. His efforts to create a ripped body (there is another surreal scene where the muscles are on display as Shahid races alongside horses) have made his face a little haggard, which feels completely appropriate for the movie.

Priyanka Chopra is a revelation as the fiercely protective Sweety, who will fight like a tigress to preserve her relationship with Guddu. Special mention must be made of Amole Gupte as her dada Bhope Bhau.

Vishal Bharadwaj writes the screenplay and scores the music as he usually does for his movies and it is unobtrusive, melodious and appropriate (the lyrics are opaque, which is a good bet that they are by Gulzar!). The background score is excellent too, as it builds up to a crescendo in key scenes (one, involving a game like Russian roulette is predicted by the music but still painful to watch).

Kaminey’s black comedy had me nervously chuckling throughout the movie, even as I stayed glued to the seat. It is not for viewers who want a feel-good Bollywood masala experience, but fans of Omkara will be delighted.

Kid advisory – Not suitable for kids under 13.

Kaminey

Directed by Vishal Bharadwaj

*ring Shahid Kapur, Priyanka Chopra

My rating : 4 out of 5 stars.

I remember waiting to see Jab We Met on DVD, reasoning that a debut film with a hokey, polyglot title was not worth wasting $9.50 on. Boy, was I wrong. JWM was funny and charming, a crazy train ride through Indian suburbia (albeit a pretty glossy one), so watching Love Aaj Kal on the big screen was a foregone conclusion.

It is always a little nerve-wracking to see a successful debut director’s second movie; there’s all the hype, even when you try to discount it.. There’s the memory of previous let-downs(there was really no way Farhan Akhtar could top Dil Chahta Hai–-Lakshya was oookay and Don was puzzling). In this case, though, while Love Aaj Kal is no Jab We Met, it doesn’t disappoint.

Director Imtiaz Ali doesn’t break any new ground in terms of plot. It’s a When Harry Met Sally storyline, already plumbed to some success by Kunal Kohli in Hum Tum, also starring Saif. What Ali brings to it is the refreshing treatment that made audiences gush over JWM. For instance, can you recall any recent Bollywood movie where the leads sat staring at each other for a few seconds, the silence speaking volumes for the two of them? Such poetic moments recur through the movie, with Deepika Padukone’s expressive eyes doing all the talking for her, while Saif(playing Jai Vardhan Singh)  babbles like the man-child character he’s perfected in mainstream Bollywood fare. Watch out for another such scene towards the end, at the wedding.

What is it with Saif and these roles anyway? I can count over half-a-dozen movies where he’s essentially playing the same character, a shallow, self-centered jerk who gets reformed at the last minute by the redeeming power of love. He performs his usual schtick without breaking a sweat and is mainly a foil to the lovely ladies on screen.

One of the lovely ladies is, of course, Deepika, whose leggy, coltish grace illuminates the screen. She is a very young actor, but improving with each movie. If she can survive the next five years in Bollywood, she is going to be a very fine performer..she has great potential. Here her eyes and smile cover for her  lack of experience, though she is miles ahead of other female actors her age in Bollywood. Deepika is like the chrysalis of a future Grace Kelly-like actor and I look forward to seeing her grow and develop into the fine thespian she can be.

The other lovely lady is Simran Giselle Monteiro. Jai’s misadventures in love are sympathetically observed by Veer(Rishi Kapoor), who  narrates the love story of his youth to teach the modern Jai a thing or two about what it means to love deeply. His story is told in flashback with Saif playing the younger Veer , and Simran Giselle, his love interest  Harleen.( updated, thanks to friends in India..her credits don’t appear in the film and imdb.com doesn’t mention her either. Giselle, apparently, is a Brazilian model who can’t speak a word of Hindi. Hmmm… that might explain why she has no dialogues in the film!)

Harleen has the simple girl-next-door beauty that makes Veer’s obsession with her completely understandable. Her sepia-toned story is where Imtiaz Ali’s talent truly shines; there are many touching scenes that play like a silent movie, where just the actors’ glances and small movements tell the story.

Pritam’s music, while foot tapping, is actually a bit of a distraction in this gentle movie. The songs break the narrative in a discordant fashion, though I suppose it’s not possible to completely omit them in a mainstream Bollywood movie. Pritam has become somewhat known for being “inspired” by previously composed music, and here the big number “Twist” lifts its base melody from the snake charmer’s theme in Nagin. The song sequences are where you really miss Shahid Kapoor( the hero of JWM) because Saif can’t dance, sala.

The heavily Punjabi Love Aaj Kal spans the NRI globe, staying the longest at Bollywood-friendly UK, with stops at San Francisco( go Bay Area!), Delhi, excuse me, Dilli and Kolkata. I guess we now know which community brings in the most ticket moolah . In a sense, Imtiaz Ali is the true inheritor of the Yash Raj brand of entertainer, though this movie was produced by Saif’s company. And like the better Yash Chopra movies, Love Aaj Kal leaves you in a good mood as you exit the theater. The song “Yeh Dooriyan” stays with you, and even its melancholy lyrics can’t stop you from feeling the satisfaction of being well entertained.

“It’s a crime comedy, it’s a thriller,” equivocated Raj Nidimoru, the co-director of 99, refusing to reveal the plot of his first Bollywood movie on a phone conversation a few weeks ago. But what 99 is first is an entertainer, with the plot a loose device to string together a host of funny moments and clever dialogue.

Sachin (Kunal Khemu) and Zaramud (Cyrus Broacha) are a couple of Mumbai hustlers who find themselves indebted to a gangster AGM ( a very funny Mahesh Manjrekar) after they crash his car. He puts them to work collecting the gambling debts of Rahul Vidyarthi ( Boman Irani) in Delhi after the latter absconds with 20 lakhs of AGM’s money.

That’s pretty much it for the story; the rest is an exploration of the unique cultures of small-time villainy in Mumbai and the pervasive dishonesty of Delhi. Match fixing in cricket is examined, as is the gambling subculture that ripples under every metropolis.

The Laurel and Hardy duo of Sachin and Zaramud bumble and stumble their way through the simple job, clearly at a loss as to what is expected of them but with great bonhomie and good humor, even while they are cracking heads or getting beaten up. Along the way they meet a host of engaging characters who manage to be instantly recognizable without being reduced to stereotypical caricatures.

99 is not a perfect movie. Despite having a thrumming background score that suggests a brisk pace, there are many dead zones. A whole subplot about Rahul’s marital problems could have been excised without making one iota of difference to the overall movie. (I can see why the directors succumbed to the temptation of leaving the scenes in. Boman Irani is just so good in every scene he appears in.) Making the movie shorter by about 30 minutes would have dramatically improved its pacing.

But to the viewer who is patient, the movie offers crackling dialogue, great acting and many screwball comedic moments that make you laugh out loud in a way few Bollywood movies these days do. The cast is just terrific. Kunal Khemu’s unconventional looks don’t detract from the fact that he has impeccable comedic timing and Cyrus is a great foil. Boman Irani steals every scene he is in and Mahesh Manjrekar disappears into his role as the gangster with an ego as big as his paunch. Only Soha Ali Khan as Sachin’s love interest disappoints; she looks washed out and tired, with the Pataudi nose in sharp relief. She doesn’t have good lines and she is unable to bring the effervescence required to stand out in the company of some very fine actors.

Why name it 99? For one, the movie begins in the year 1999, which allows for some technological snafus that move the plot along that would not have been possible today. But the movie’s name refers to the disappointment of getting out at 99 runs, as Sachin and Zaramud keep falling just a little short of hitting that century and making their humble dreams come true.

99 is a treat for the discerning viewer even if there are moments when you wish the movie would hurry along and get to the point. Like Flavors, the directing duo’s first full length feature, this is a sly, smart and witty movie that does not insult the viewer’s intelligence.  If you’ve missed its big screen release in the US, be sure to catch it on DVD.