Hair today, here tomorrow

You may go hoarse saying it but 'Bald is beautiful' is one of those platitudes coined by losers, like, 'It's not about winning, it's about how you play the game' or 'It's the experience that counts'.

 Here's a bald cynic's viewpoint

Let's look at the forty-plus individuals we've elected president of the United States. All but five of them have been men of hair. Who were the five brave baldies who managed to slip past the guards? John Adams and his son, John Quincy Adams — both one-termers. Martin Van Buren, who embellished his naked pate by puffing out his remaining locks in the manner later adopted by Larry of The Three Stooges — also booted out after a single term. Next baldy on the roster: James A. Garfield. They shot him. After Garfield's demise, a full seventy-two years would pass before another hair-impaired president took the oath of office: the wildly popular World War II hero, Dwight D. Eisenhower. Did America's voters like Ike because he had rescued Europe from the Nazis and led the Allies to a resounding victory? It would be pleasant to think so, but I fear the real reason is that his opponent, Adlai Stevenson, had even less hair than Ike. The only other balding chief exec, Gerald Ford, simply stepped in for the deposed Nixon and failed to be elected in his own right. The man who vanquished him was an eminently thatched Georgian named Jimmy Carter. So there you have it: over two hundred years of American presidents, and only twenty-three years of baldness in the White House to date.

While the same has not been true of Indian Prime Ministers, that is probably because the PM isn't directly elected by the people, unlike the American celebrity circus. Where it really counts, namely Bollywood, there's plenty of evidence that the hirsutely challenged have had to wear a hair shirt in their pursuit of success. Just let one shiny patch appear on the top and we see hide nor hair of them as they transplant themselves westward. If you don't see the correlation, all you have to do place in your cross hairs the superstars of Indian cinema, both past and present and what do you know, every one of them has been follicularly blessed. Their hair has been their crowning glory, you might say. Even the villains resort to toupees, with the poor baldies being relegated to the sobbing father or the sidekick's role. 

In the upcoming Presidential elections therefore, it not surprising that John Edwards is investing in 400 dollar haircuts. After all, he did lose the last elections by a hair's breadth. Or that the media is constantly splitting hairs about it. Of all the presidential candidates in both parties, only Rudy Giuliani is bald and we all know about his hair trigger temper. The only consolation is that he will never have a bad hair day. 

The moral of the story is  -if you crave the spotlight make sure it can't reflect off your pate. If you don't, just let your hair down. There's no point in pulling your hair out because, remember, a hair on the head is worth two on the brush.

4 thoughts on “Hair today, here tomorrow

  1. Sumana

    Vidya, Thank you for that hirsute post…it made my afternoon. Would you care to also speculate on Obama’s black locks or Hillary’s elegantly coiffed head and how that might or might not help them win the democratic nomination? In a world of superficialities, whose to say if a hair out of place can win or lose an election…

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